BLS ~ Permanent Marker #4 (Forgive Me)

I opened my eyes slowly, blinking a few times. My temples were throbbing and I felt as if my brain were about to explode. I lifted my head off the pillow. My eyes hurt so much. I turned right to look up at the mirror and saw myself. I looked like a total shit. My hair's messed up roughly and my eyes were puffy-red. I felt my eyes drawn to the rectangular alarm clock that rested on the end table. Green numbers glared from the black surface, their links forming to read '08:36 AM'.

I rubbed my eyes slowly, letting out a sigh.

I didn't sleep well.

I could barely sleep, a figure of Justin came across my mind and every single time of last night make-out session was stuck there made the frustration that was currently racing through my veins become worse. An annoying voice echoed like I had a brain-damage. I took a deep breath.

What the hell did I think? Why the fuck did I do that stupid thing? Why did I become such a dumbass? I wasn't wasted, I wasn't drunk at all and I thought clearly.

I hated the fact that I kissed him back.

I barely even knew him.

'And this was Justin Bieber that you were talking to yourself about, Alyssa Cole. He was a teen pop phenomenon and you kissed him last night without even thinking. You're so pathetic.' I shook my head in slight disgust.

Suddenly came a voice that sounded so familiar. "Alyssa? You there? You in? You okay? You-"

"Chaz.." I replied in a hoarse voice. "I'm okay." I lied as my vision blurred. I felt like I wanna trow up.

"Can I come in?" Chaz asked quietly.

I covered my eyes with my arms and took a long-deep breath. "Yes Chaz." I mumbled.

The door was ajar, and a figure of Chaz appeared in the doorway. He looked super worried. I positioned myself to sit and motioned him to sit next to me.

"Alyssa, are you crying?" He asked me in high-pitched voice. He grabbed my chin and looked deep into my eyes.

I merely nodded, told him I was crying but I was not going to tell him about what happened the last night.

"Hey, what happened? Just.. tell me." He asked, now in low voice. His other hand landed in my cheek and rubbed it slowly, wiping my tears off.

I was confused by the moment. Should I tell him or just pretend like nothing happened? I might barely know Chaz, but I could tell he's a type of guy that couldn't let a girl crying in front of him. My fear was he's going to be pissing off to Justin and beat him or some more ridiculous things would happen. He'd not just sit here and saw me cry. He'd do something if he'd known what's the cause of my tears.

I took a deep breath. My eyes flickered upwards to stare back into his and i gave a small shake of my head.

"Alyssa, tell me!" He gave me a look of the merest confusion then he threw his hands away. "Is it a guy? I'll go ninja on him. Trust me that's..." He made some random hand gestures. "That's exactly going to happen." His eyebrows crinkled in confusion.

I gave a small shrug. "Chaz, you have nothing to do for me."

His jaw was set as I said so. "Did you just say you don't want to let me beat that fucking guy that I don't know who?" He furrowed his eyes in a slight anger. "Geez, that's not so me dude."

"I haven't even mention if a guy causes this." I replied bitterly.

He snapped his fingers. "But I know you would say so. Look, Alyssa, you said you want me to be your brother, and a brother's job is to protect his sister. And that's why I'm here. For you."

I began massaging my shoulder with a merest confusion in my mind. "Chaz, you-"

"I would do anything for you, Alyssa."

I cut off, staring at him in slight surprise for a moment. How the hell could he say so if he just knew me.

"I know that sounds cheesy. But it's true." He stated.

But then a smile grew on my face. I looked up to meet his gaze. "Thanks." I replied quietly. "Like you have no clue how much this means to me. I mean, you are already here for me. That means a lot." I added shyly, feeling my cheeks burnt.

Chaz gave me a smile in return. "Now, tell me who it is."

"Justin." I said simply.

He furrowed his eyebrows at me. "What?" He asked quickly.

I rolled my eyes. "I didn't spell that guy's name wrong."

"What the fuck did he do to you?" He asked angrily.

I shrugged. "Well, he-"

"Though he is my best friend, I swear to God, I'm going to fucking kick his ass so hard." He muttered angrily under his breath, cutting across me.

"Chaz!" I yelled at him.

He merely looked at me in disbelief. His eyebrows still furrowed.

I shook my head slightly. "I'm sorry, I just... Listen, he didn't do anything bad to me."

"Go on." He replied impatiently.

"He kissed me." I stated quietly.

Chaz mouthed something that I thought was 'what?' "He kissed you?" He asked after he found his voice.

I nodded. "Yes, yes he kissed me."

"What the fuck?" He threw his hands in the air. An anger expression spread across his face. His eyebrows furrowed tighter. "You two just met and then you made out the other day?"

My jaw was dropped. I was unsure about how to respond. Chaz looked so pissed off and yet, I didn't know what I was supposed to do. "Chaz.." I said slowly.

"What?" He yelled at me in complete anger.

I covered my mouth in disbelief, staring at Chaz blankly and internally trying to process what's happening.

Chaz shook his head in disgust. "How could you two do something like that?" He looked up to send me a gaze.

I stared at him glumly for several long moments, biting my lip and sighing.

I was still shocked.

First, last night, Justin Bieber, my biggest idol ever, kissed me and made out with me. I might be happy cause it's my idol! That's what every belieber out there always wanted. It's every belieber's dream. But, now everything seemed different to me. I regretted doing that.

But I enjoyed it too.

Second, Chaz was so pissed off. I could not help but set my jaw with annoyance. Dammit. I had been hoping he wouldn't be so over-reacting after he heard this news from my own mouth. It was unexpected. Why the hell did he react so over like that?

Feeling slightly frustrated, I began to wrack my brains then, thinking furiously about some form of thing to say in response to that.

Once he'd realized that I didn't answer at all, he stood up and walked towards the threshold.

"Chaz?"

He merely ignored me, keeping his gaze focused on the door.

When he'd finally made it to the outside of my room, he turned back and stared at me blankly for a moment before my words seemed to register, for at that moment, he blinked and stated, "Sorry, Allie."


****



I pulled my phone out of my pocket and flicked it unlocked, staring blankly down at the screen where a new text message was displayed.

From: Chaz Somers
hey buddy, we need to talk. meet me. scoopers. now.

I furrowed my eyebrows slightly, staring at the text blankly, then finally, I licked my lips and responded to the text, my fingers flying across the smooth glass surface of the touch-screen phone.

From: Justin Bieber
already here, Jerk. what do u wanna talk about?

I had just clicked my phone off and then I felt my phone vibrate again, causing me to jump.

I flicked it open and squinted slightly to make out the text message.

From: Chaz Somers
sumthin important. wait, omw

What the hell was he going to talk about? I wasn't in mood to talk to people since last night. A remembrance from that 'accident' really bothered me.

Caitlin with that fucking guy?

Or my accidental make-out session with Alyssa?

Both. I guess.

I felt like an annoyed shit. I didn't even talk to my mom since then. Sometimes she made me feel better through my problems. But this time, I didn't feel it's important to be shared with her. I just wanted to be alone right now but Chaz ruined it. He's standing in front of me right now. Looking at me with a merest disgust look that'd spread across his face.

"Umm.. Hi." I called.

He walked towards me and put on an expression like a PMS woman. I could tell he's completely pissed off.

With me. Maybe.

"Sup?" I asked quietly after he took a seat in front of me.

He drummed the table with his fingers impatiently. "What did you do last night?"

I furrowed my eyebrows tight. "What's that?"

Chaz rolled his eyes, seemed feel annoyed. "What did you do to Alyssa?"

I tore a gaze away, biting my lips in confusion.

"Justin!" He yelled and pounded the table. Immediately, several people around us turned to look at us, giving us weird look.

I felt my face burn bright red as I realized how loud that must have been. But Chaz seemed don't give a damn.

"Fine." I mumbled. "I kissed her."

He gave me a look, crossing his arms tightly across his chest. "Gee." He commented sarcastically. "Guess you're trying to hit on her."

I widened my eyes, shaking my head. "No. I just... I was depressed."

"Lie." He rolled his eyes. "God, you're so fucking annoying sometimes." He muttered irritably.

I sighed. "True, but you are always annoying."

His eyebrows shot up and a look of complete surprise came over his face. "That's not the way a guy talks to his best friend, is it, Bieber?" He raised his eyebrows annoyingly.

It was then I felt my stomach drop the merest bit and a small feeling of guilt swept over me. "Listen, I didn't mean saying that. I'm not in mood talking to people."

He merely looked at me, completely annoyed. "Forget it." He began coldly. "Just tell me the truth. Why?"

"Oh.." I said softly under my breath. "Like I told you, I was depressed. I saw Caitlin making out with a guy and that mind of doing a revenge came across my mind and I ended up kissed her." I explained honestly.

"But you couldn't just kiss her and ditch her like this."

"I didn't and don't ditch her!" I yelled. And again, people gave us a weird look.

Chaz threw his hands away. "Okay." He sighed. "But did you kiss her? You're hitting on her huh?" He looked down to his shoes.

"You jealous, buddy?"

He began massaging his forehead slightly and shrugged. "Dunno."

"Well, I can tell you are jealous."

"Hey! I'm not jealous." Chaz began, looking up at me to send me a glare with his narrowed eyes. "I just... I.." He shrugged.

I tidied my grey hoodie and licked my lips. "Admit it, you're jealous."

"Fine. I am." He stated simply.

Exhaling, I straightened up in my seat. To be honest, I was a little shocked right now. Of course Chaz was a kind of guy that liked to make out with some random school sluts but he usually didn't care about those girls. But that's definitely before Kayley came to his life. All he cared about was only Kayley. He's madly in love with her.

And now this Alyssa girl seemed a big deal for Chaz.

He cared about Alyssa.

"Kayley won't like to hear that." I commented quietly, flipping my hair to the side.

Another silent exchanged seemed to pass between us that apparently decided on something, for at that moment, Chaz nodded his head. "I know."

"Should I call her now?" I asked as I pulled out my phone from my pocket.

"Who?"

I stared down at my phone. "Alyssa."

"Oh." Chaz stopped for a moment. "You should. Considering you have to go to Los Angeles tomorrow for the MMVA."

I looked up at him for a moment before began speaking, "I will take Jaxon to LA with me and my dad. Jazzy is staying with Erin, can you at least visit her just for tomorrow?"

His face broke into a grin. "Kay. I'll take her out with Alyssa."

I grinned back at Chaz, nodding at him in agreement.

And my fingers began scrolling the touch-screen to find Alyssa's number that I got yesterday.

Once I found it, I touched "Call" and held the phone to my ear.

"Hello?" A raspy voice asked breathlessly into the phone. She seemed haven't got up from her bed.

I cleared my throat slightly. "Alyssa?"

"What?" She replied bitterly.

I glanced up at Chaz and gave him a nervous look. He merely sat there and smirked at me. I looked away again. "Listen, I.. I want to apologize."

There was a pause.

"I'm sorry." I added quietly.

"What for?" Alyssa asked, her voice beginning to sound clear.

I took a deep breath, frantically trying to decide the best way to go about answering her. "Last night." I answered as a nervous giggle came from my mouth.

"Oh." She replied, her voice cracking. "Nothing to forgive."

I sighed. "Look. I'm so sorry for being such an asshole last night." I stopped and looked around. "I impudently kissed you."

It was when that a sudden flash of remembrance hit me, and I was reminded of Caitlin kissed that strange guy and then I suddenly kissed Alyssa without even thinking.

I inhaled deeply, letting it out with a shuddering wave of nerves.

I was met with a resounding silence on the other end.

"Alyssa?" I called quietly, awkward.

"Yeah?" He called back flatly.

I twisted my fingers as I looked down. There was an awkward air between us. I didn't know what to say as the respond.

"You know Justin?" She began. "I was just shocked about what was going on last night. That's why I ran away without even leaving a word. I didn't know how to think or speak. I was so ridiculously shocked and my brain wracked as I tried to think clearly. I just didn't expect that you would do something like that. I mean, that's not a bad thing. But saw that you're stressed out about that girl named Caitlin kissed another guy and suddenly kissed me. I think that's a revenge, wasn't it?" He finished with a question that I couldn't process.

What?

Of course that's a revenge.

And now a ton of guilts came across my mind, making my brain wanted to explode.

I shook my head slightly in disbelief. "Listen, Al. I didn't mean to do a revenge." I stated as Chaz put his hand on my right shoulder with a questioning look spreading across his face. His jaw was set and his eyebrows furrowed tight.

I slumped my shoulders and gave him a desperate look.

"It's okay." Alyssa stated simply.

"You know what I said to you that night?" I asked her, trying to remember what I did last night. She blushed a lot when I called her 'beautiful'.

And that was not a bullshit.

At all.

She was so good-looking. She's beautiful for sure. Her dark brown hair and hazel eyes were just so imperfectly perfect. Her skin's perfectly tanned and she's so damn skinny. Her face blushed a lot and made her look cuter.

I heard Alyssa mumbled. "Umm... yes."

I smiled slightly. "Well, that's definitely the reason why I... did that 'thing'." I looked at Chaz nervously. Trying my best not to speak too out loud so that Chaz won't hear.

I could hear she was giggling. "Bullshit." She stated after she stopped giggling.

And suddenly my smile faded away, replaced by a confused-look. "Hey! I'm not bullshitting."

"Then remember me again what you said last night."

I cleared my throat slightly in nerves. "Okay here. You are beautiful."

Chaz said noiseless and it seemed like 'what the fuck' whatsoever.

I pulled the phone away from my ear. "Calm the fuck down, bro. I'll explain, later. Okay?"

He crossed his arms and looked away, nodding.

I sighed before taking the phone closer to my ear again. "Al, do you forgive me?"

There was a long pause until Alyssa began. "Yes, yes I forgive you." She replied.

I widened my eyes in happiness. "Really?"

I could hear she chuckled. "Sure, Bieber."

"Thanks." I stated as I felt a blush creeped up onto my cheeks and they began looking red. "Wanna hang out? I'll pick you up." I asked awkwardly.

"Sounds good. I'll be ready at two."

I snapped the phone shut.

Chaz was clearly annoyed by the way I called Alyssa 'beautiful'. It was funny to see his expression because honestly Chaz never cared about a girl like this. And oh, I was going to hang out with Alyssa. Guess Chaz didn't like the idea. Seemed bad but I just wanted to hang out with Alyssa, just two of us without Chaz. Considering I'd leave Stratty to Los Angeles tomorrow, I wanted to talk face-to-face with her. Plus, I was so depressed so without being an asshole, i admitted that seeing her gorgeous face might cure this heartache.

Joy.